Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
