I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
