STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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