going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
