watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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