I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize