Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
