they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
