woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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