well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
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I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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