My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.