Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted