You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Your dad touched me again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
