I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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