a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.