Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The police scanner is talking about you again....
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm getting married
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.