Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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