you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
