The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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