My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
