Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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