I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
