Moan for me like Helen Keller
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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