just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize