Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
