My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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