I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
