mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
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we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's never too late to be topless.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
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Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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