I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
