I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
