I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
