Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
