I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Say something about gay babies.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
