Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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