I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
