clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
