it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
