there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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