those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
