Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
