after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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