I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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