my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
