Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
