he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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