Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
