I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
