Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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