I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
