doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
