The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
