Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
