i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
