he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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