do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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