thus making me awesome and them whores
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
