How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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