What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
