But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
