yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
