We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
