i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
