if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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