She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
