Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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