i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
