Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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