I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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