weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
