I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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