If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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