yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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