So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
