everyone is single if you try hard enough
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I want her autograph on my taint
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
