this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
