Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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