I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
