Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
