Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
