Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
