Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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