How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
