I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
