call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
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Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
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But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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