Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
