Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
