She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
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