Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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