worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
